first things first, moving is a hassle. we moved to our new house last week and it was very hard work. i got chance, daniel and tyson to help me move a whole shitload of boxes from my old house to my new house. that took like 3 hours. then we had pizza. now, our new house is still under revovations. we painted most of the rooms but most of our stuff is still in boxes downstairs. my sisters room is completly down. it looks really nice. my older sister wanted purple but the paint our parents got her turned out to be pink! haha!! my other sister wanted light blue and she got exactly that. my room? omg...you'll have to see it to explain it. i cant describe it but if you ever get the chance to see it, you'll understand. so yeah, my dad's been busy putting up curtains all day and painting and i kinda feel bad cuz my sisters and i are just watching tv. whenever i ask if i can help, he just says 'not now' so i guess theres nothing i can do.
hmm, you remember the 'break it of make it post'? yeah. you chose to break it. okay, thats alright with me. i promised myself that this would be the last time this will happen and i will keep that promise to myself. its gone, over, through. thanks for proving this was a waste of four years of hoping. i did learn something though. dont hold on to anything too long. it will be gone anyway. i really did love you. you were a huge part of my life even though you didnt know it. you know, you're what keeps me going when im at my lowest. i think of you and then i actually smile. now, what should i smile to? your gone, out of my life now. im never going to approach you again. i promised myself to think of you as a stranger now. we were great friends, lets see how long before you talk to me if i dont talk to you first. lets hope by that time i'll be completly over you and wont be at all excited to hear from you, like the way i am now. cya, talk to you never
i've been grounded even since the halloween party. couldnt go out, couldnt hang out or anything. and finally i convinced my parents to let me hang out with you. everytime before we hang out, its always been...dissapointing. we never talk about stuff, and we always end up being pissed at eachother somehow. its fun talking on msn and stuff but whenever we talk face to face, some shit always come up and holy fuck, im always angry after hanging out. so two days ago, i thought i'd just hang out. maybe somethings changed. guess what, not a fucking thing has changed. and what the FUCKS! up with hitting me with your umbrelly??? are you trying to tell me something?? just fucking come out and say it. just cuz i dont spazz out at you or say shit about it doesnt give you the right to do shit like that. i even said, 'stop it, its kinda bugging me' and you dont even listen and keep doing it. okok, maybe i usually kid around and you probably thought hitting me was a game too but when i say stop, come on, just stop. you couldnt tell how shit-faced i was? and whats worse, i even asked you if the other people coming is ok with me hanging out with you guys. you said they didnt mind. are you sure? they seem to not want be there. thats a fucking shitting feeling to know you're not wanted somewhere. the other two guys left earlier than i did. they're smart. it was a waste of time with you guys anyway but i stuck around like a fucking loser. then after, what happened? you three started to walk without even telling me you're going so i followed. you didnt even turn back to tell when where you're going and just completly ignored me. what the fuck was that about huh? do you know how i felt to be ditched like that bye three people, one being someone that invited to to this thing? so i just left and looked at what i wanted to look at. today, you post on my facebook wall complaining about me leaving you guys without saying bye. ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS??? YOU FUCKING STRAIGHT UP DITCHED ME AND YOU STILL HAVE THE FUCKING GUTS TO BE SAD THAT I DIDNT SAY BYE? holy shit, i almost didnt even believe my eyes when i saw that post..DO YOU EVEN GIVE A SHIT? or are you trying to make me feel bad. cuz uh, news flash, i dont give a shit about that. these days, i dont give a shit about anything anymore.
maybe thats my fault too, i'll admit. i keep too much shit to myself. i dont open to anyone. becasue of my past experiences, i have trust issues now. im afraid to tell anyone anything. its hard to trust people cuz some people will just use it against you in the future. because of this, i lost out on so many things. i really wish sometimes i can have someone to tell everything too. i envy the people who have that one person who they can tell anything to. how do you find someone like that? isnt it hard to trust someone completly with your secrets?? if i had someone like that, i think my life will be so much easier cuz then i wont keep everything bottled inside me. sometimes, i actually think i could explode and fucking break someones face in half. the only thing that calms me down when im like that is crying. its a complete sign of weakness i know but by that time, i dont care. im just focused on not letting another person piss me off or i think he's gunna end up in a hospital. so squeeze out a few tears, cry for a sec, not let anyone see you and its all good. i've been crying more that usual which kind sucks. more and more bad things are happening. im still wondering what can bring me real joy. actually, i think i know but im not gunna say. its not...innapropriate stuff -.- but if i say it, it will make me sound like a selfish son of a bitch.
facebook you fucking faggot. why wont you work for me? when kathy goes on, she can do everything. when i sign on, i cant post anything, accept anything, or change anything. you're fucking pathetic
on a happier note, my sisters getting a cell phone tmr. im excited for her =D i remember when i first got me own celly so i can understand her happiness when she's getting one too. and christmas is coming. boxing day follows. im glad because christmas usually is joy and happy. boxing day is great to look at stuff and buy what i really want. tomorow im gunna hang with my friend chance and go looking for stuff. im gunna look for the stuff i wanna buy on boxing day so on the 26th, i can just buy it and not try anything on.
i think abou lots of stuff when bad shit does wrong. when the world gets you down, turn your back on the world, say fuck it, and go on. put on your game face, dont give a shit about what other people say, do your own thing. if they give you advice you dont wanna hear, fuck them. your only regret is what you didnt do, not what you did. if you fuck up, who cares, hrug at it, no big deal. you caused it, you solve it. think it fast, be impulsive. remember thats what you wanted to do at the time. dont think things through, you'll only regret not doing it at the time. consequences will pass, your experience will stay with you forever. learn from it and do it again. fail agian, learn from it some more.
^ i know, not the best thought right before christmas day but its true.
have a happy holiday, i hope its better than mine.
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